ELIOT STEIN INTERVIEWS Mystery Science Theater 3000’s (MST3K) Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo ©Eliot Stein

 

ELIOT: Do the two of you have any New Year's Resolutions you'd like to share?

Crow T. Robot: Yes we do. Chew our food and swallow it.

 

ELIOT: That is a very sensible thing for the two of you!...

Crow, we saw a few weeks ago that you now have a Computer and can access online services. How do you like Compuserve and the Internet?

 

Crow T. Robot: I like them very much.....what are they?

ELIOT: We should have known.

 

ELIOT: Tom, have you ever felt inferior having a gumball machine top for your head?

Tom Servo: Inferior to what?

ELIOT: I never thought about it that way before.

 

ELIOT: Crow...we usually only see the one main room in your "Satellite of Love."...do you have other rooms that you can tell us about that are your favorites?...such as do you have a Billiards room?

Crow T. Robot: No, we have a pool room. Occasionally we play snooker.

 

ELIOT: Who treated you guys better--Joel or Mike--or is it about even?

Crow T. Robot: It's about even....but God treats us the best. We know him you know.

 

ELIOT: Do you think you'll ever be able to decide who lives and who dies?

Tom Servo: Crow has apparently made those decisions!

 

ELIOT: Crow, now that you're a big star, what special foods do you demand to have in your trailer? Crow T. Robot: Only green M & Ms with the M's removed.

 

ELIOT: Of all the cheesy movies you have had to endure, which one strikes you or stands out as the cheesiest?

Tom Servo: Tom picks Red Zone Cuba. Crow picks Red Zo....whoops that's taken....um...um.... Au Revior Les Enfants.

 

ELIOT: Crow and Tom, I've noticed that besides a "hamdinger" reference in...Mike's first show, that you never mention Joel. Will he ever make a cameo?

Tom Servo: We'd have to ask him....wouldn't we?

 

ELIOT: The bots have some great responses...better than politicians!!!

 

ELIOT: What childrearing advice can you give me?

Crow T. Robot: Don't drop him. Speak to him as if he were another adult. Get a job.

 

ELIOT: If one of mike's buttons calls the mads... and another is commercial sign, what does the middle button do?

Crow T. Robot: Blend.

 

ELIOT: Who gets load pan cleaning duty more?

Tom Servo: Gypsy, it's her room.

 

ELIOT: That seems fair.

 

ELIOT: What Was The Worst Line You have ever heard from the Masterpieces you've had to watch? Crow T. Robot: Call me Ishmael...oh no, not that one....um..."Bay of Pigs."

 

ELIOT: Out of all the movies the mads have made you watch, which ones did you secretly enjoy?

Tom Servo: We all say, Alien from L.A. 'cause we're dirty...... Except for parts of City Limits, which we're not supposed to see anymore....'cause they're dirty.

 

ELIOT: Crow and Tom...do you two have an opinion of Hilary Clinton?

Crow T. Robot: We don't agree with Newt.

 

ELIOT: Which member of the "crew" played the Jack Perkins type in the MST3K Hour????

Tom Servo: The host of course.

 

ELIOT: That makes sense... You guys have done nothing but beat around the issue if you think about it!

 

ELIOT: Have my favorite Bots every considered making a recording?

Crow T. Robot: When we get back to earth we're going on the road as the new Sandler and Young.

 

ELIOT: You bots have been successful in warping the minds of millions of Americans...so I have no shame in asking you this question..... Tom, will you dream about me and this experience tonight?

Tom Servo: Eliot, you're wackin' out on us!

 

ELIOT: I feel GREAT now!!!!

 

ELIOT: I have a blank prescription pad here. Do you guys think Mike needs any Lithium or Valium up there?

Tom Servo: Send a heavy laxative.

 

ELIOT: Crow, have you broken your previous record of 37 in Nerf basketball?

Crow T. Robot: I've matured since then.

 

ELIOT: Tom and Crow--Can BOTS really understand and feel human emotions?

Crow T. Robot: We can feel them but we don't understand them.

 

ELIOT: Tom and Crow---who do you believe killed JFK?

Crow T. Robot: Connelly, because Kennedy was kicking the back of his seat.

 

ELIOT: Tom, what happened to your clones in "The Human Duplicators"

Tom Servo: They were delicious.